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Summary: Self-compassion may be more sustainable and healthier than self-esteem.
Key Take Aways:
- Self-compassion is something we can practice at any moment to be supportive of ourselves.
- Constant self-criticism might be common, but is most likely unhealthy or very unhealthy.
- Self-criticism may be prevalent even though it undermines self-confidence and could be linked to depression.
Do you criticize yourself after making a mistake at work? If so, does that judgmental pattern last minutes, hours or even days? Dr. Kristin Neff from the University of Texas at Austin is a researcher who studies self-compassion. She has written a book and lectures on the subject.
In fact, her work has helped spark quite a number of research studies into the potential benefits of self-compassion. In her talk in Berkeley, California she said self-criticism is doubled-edged because when we do this to ourselves, we are both the attacker and the receiver. The result is higher stress and possibly even depression - two things that definitely don't help us achieve our best results.
If you are curious about self-compassion, it may be worthwhile to try her online test, but be careful. If self-compassion is a foreign concept or rare practice, just reading the questions and selecting accurate answers might be upsetting.
For example, the survey entries tend to be like this one and there are 26 total: 'I'm disapproving and judgmental about my own flaws and inadequacies.'
Dr. Neff became interested in self-compassion when she was in graduate school and joined a Buddhist meditation group. There she became more aware of compassion and self-compassion in particular. Later she worked with a top self-esteem scholar, but she found it less satisfying and began to shift towards self-compassion.
As it says on her website, "Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many psychologists believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion. The research of Dr. Kristin Neff and others strongly suggests that people who are more self-compassionate lead healthier, more productive lives than those who are self-critical. And the feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are highly stable."
One of the other connections to Buddhism is the notion of 'comparing mind', which was written about on this blog recently. The self-esteem perspective can lead to large mood swings, because it depends upon having to be 'good' or above average, which are value judgements and ones that are often made in relation to others. Research has showing that comparing your salary to those of your co-workers generally is a cause of unhappiness.
Image Credit: AshLin, Wiki Commons
