by Svetlana Saitsky
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4jPxZyQLNU&feature=youtu.be
I’d like to admit something. The Inspiration Gal, fell off the wagon. Yes, I'm talking about myself. I promised myself that I would enter this year and sparkle every day and guess what? I lost my sparkle. Have you ever felt like you lost your sparkle? Well then please read on…
Entering 2013, I felt more inspired than ever. Looking back at the last year I felt a sense of pride. In 2012, I fell in love, made professional headway, and tattooed my life word Inspiration onto my arm when I realized that to inspire was my purpose in life. I was riding the inspiration wave and feeling on top of the world. And then much to my own surprise, I crashed. And when I say I crashed, I mean that both literally and figuratively.
I left a job that was not making me happy and while I was proud of myself for being fearless, I found myself with no source of income. As if financial instability is not scary enough to deal with, the person who I loved most decided that he was going to love someone else the most. My heart was broken worse than ever before. So here I was with too much free time to think about my broken heart. It was around this time that a friendship spanning a decade fell apart and some of my best friends left San Francisco leaving me feeling heartbroken, uncertain and abandoned. Now was the perfect time for me to have a bike accident, and then a running accident, making it hard to do the thing I love to do most: take walks. Typically when I got sad or confused I could walk it off, but now it hurt to walk and I must admit, this is around the time that my mind went into major drain-circle maneuver and I caught a cold which made me quite sick for weeks.
How could this happen? How could I, the Inspiration Gal end up feeling so alone and beat up? I had thought that I opted out of fear, suffering and guilt and here I was doing all that old stuff again. Where had my inspiration gone? I certainly was not feeling it and so I began to really question things. Maybe I was wrong all of these years? Maybe listening to my heart was a mistake? Was all this inspiration work true? Did I know anything about inspiration after all? If I did, how could I be feeling so uninspired? What would I do with my Inspiration tattoo? Oh my!
The time to trust yourself the most is when everything seems to be going wrong.
The difficult times define who we are; they inspire us to move forward and discover genuine inspiration unlike ever before. I have no regrets about leaving my job because the opportunities that are now presenting themselves to me are so much more aligned with who I am and what I love. My heart is healing too and while I miss the friends who moved away, they are only a phone call away. The best part is that throughout this time that I felt so lost and lonely, I've actually created a whole new supportive, creative and incredible community in a city that is very much my home. I stopped trusting myself briefly, but deep down I always knew that this time would pass and that somehow I would be better, stronger and more inspired than ever and guess what? I was right.
About Svetlana